In the past week a video of a 9-year old boy with Quaden Bayles is circulating around the world. This is a good thing in many ways. Quaden is a child who has been severely bullied. There has been an outpouring of support for him which has resulted in money being raised and it has brought into the forefront the issue of mental health and bullying. This story shows us that social media can be a positive force in the world and if you know anything about me, you know that I am all about that!
This CNN opinion piece raises an interesting perspective about this case and the issue of privacy which I think is also important to consider. It states:
However loving the intention behind posting this video was (and I can well understand this mother’s desperation), the fact is that for the rest of the boy’s life his name will likely always be associated with it. What’s more, the viral video is likely to encourage other parents to try to emulate it, continuing to break down the privacy rights of children. Just because we have the ability to share videos of our kids with the rest of the world, doesn’t mean we should give in to our impulses. There has to be a better way to seek support or fight bullying without compromising our children’s privacy.
One of the things I talk about my upcoming book, Raising Digital Leaders is the importance of creating a culture of consent among young people. No matter how young our children are, we should be asking the question, “Are you ok with me posting this?” every time we post something.
Even with a Freedom of Information consent form signed, when I photograph my students to share on social media some of the awesome things they are doing I always ask my students that question and I also ask them if they would like to be tagged in the photo. In my personal life, I have often said to my friends that any picture of me that goes online needs to be approved. This is not because I want to create the image of the “perfect” mom or educator (I make it a habit to share the not so awesome moments in my life as well as the great ones), but there are moments in my personal life which I don’t necessarily want to share with the world. This is true for everyone.
I believe that we reinforce the idea that anything that goes online should be done with full permission, it may help create a culture where kids are respectful of one another’s right to (or not) post. We need to normalize that consent matters when it comes to posting on social media.
Really interested in what you think. Please use the comments below to share your thoughts.
I’m so glad you wrote about this. I have several young mom friends who have already created Facebook and Instagram pages for their newborn babies. While I very much enjoy watching the babies grow and thrive from a long distance, I often wonder what this will do to their mental health when they grow up. I know my daughter would be mortified if some of her baby pictures were online for all to see in perpetuity. And I LOVE all her baby pictures, but she does not. What are your thoughts about this trend?
Thank you for putting into words my feeling of unease about the posting of personal information and pictures of children. As educators, when we think about the work that we do in education, we consider the impact of our actions rather than our intent.
The impact of this viral video is not yet known in its entirety, and while I saw it, and immediately responded joyfully to the compassion and empathy shown by others, I do agree that parents, teachers, and all of the adults in the virtual room should consider our impact long term.
The internet is a child without a vast history and we are responsible for growing it, for creating the social code of conduct.
I agree with your approach and have done the same with my students. Yet, I often hesitate because their “agreement” may just be a response to the power of the teacher in the room.
In thinking about this, I am making a committment to show the work of my students without revealing their identities, to promote their voices particularly when they are marginalized, and to spend more time asking and listening.
Consent is a form of affirmation, a giving of oneself for another. Let’s never forget that what we give in any forum has value, and has impact regardless of our intent.
Thank you for all of your brave work in this important area, Jennifer.
I think you’re completely correct. I also think it’s great to start teaching messages of consent from when your child is young, even through little things such as asking whether the kid would be okay with having something about them on social media.
I am so glad you wrote this post. Even with more and more talk of digital citizenship, I think educators often forget the importance of creating a culture of consent. You speak to this idea with students, but I think it is also important for adults to create a culture of consent as models for our students.
We should all model thoughtfulness in creating and sharing digital content that includes others. Some people want to document their entire lives through digital content, but not everyone wants to be that way. It is not just about creating a “perfect” image, but about having ownership over your own digital identity. I see people taking photographs in public spaces and not thinking about who else is in the background. I’m not doing anything inappropriate, I just don’t want to be in a stranger’s photo! It just seems like a matter of politeness – be aware of your surroundings, and be mindful of others.
We made a deliberate choice not to share images of our child on social media, because we wanted to treat him as an individual, with his own digital identity. We wanted him to have ownership as much as possible over this identity. I think many parents don’t think this way. I appreciate your contribution to the conversation.
Thanks for your comment, Caitlin. Your comment is making me think through an idea. I can see why parents do share on social media; I know someone who has created a hashtag for his child which will be a beautiful momento of her growing up. I think the challenge comes from posting things that your child would not be proud of later like a video taping your child having a tantrum. As children get older, I think that watching you post and giving feedback on what does/doesn’t get posted is an important skill they will need when they do have their own account. Does the politeness and respect you speak of, need to be explicitly taught and reinforced? Appreciate you pushing my thinking here. 🙂
Great question. With the number of people that I see taking photos and videos without thinking about others, I think it does need to be explicitly taught. I’ve seen the argument that if you are not doing anything wrong, then it shouldn’t matter what photos you exist in. I just read an interesting article on Medium (https://onezero.medium.com/do-we-have-a-right-to-privacy-in-public-6ea8ab32b9fe) about how our personal data is being used by companies, that could have a social impact regardless of if you are doing anything “wrong” in the photo.
Related to posting about children, yes, there are some beautiful momentos that parents share of their children, though I wonder if they need to be shared on social media? I also wonder how often parents think before they post, or if they are even thinking of what their child might feel 5, 10, 30 years from now. It could be an embarrassing tantrum video, or it could just be something they didn’t want shared with a wider audience. Or, a lifetime of documentation could lead to a lack of privacy. Here are a few stories on the topic: https://www.glamour.com/story/mom-wont-post-childs-photo-on-social-media https://www.fastcompany.com/90301875/the-real-problem-with-posting-about-your-kids-online