Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise and I connected several years ago over the idea that monitoring a child’s behaviour on line (and offline) is not as effective as mentoring.
Recently, I learned about an app called, Our Pact which seems to have many benefits for families. Essentially, you would set certain times when your child’s screen would be locked. This would include time at school or for chores, or for dinner. There is also a tracking mechanism (premium accounts) and an app blocker and internet filter. Doesn’t this sound like the BEST thing ever??
I suppose a busy family would benefit and also, a child would develop the habit of turning off a screen? But I always wonder about apps like these and whether they are truly best to support healthy tech habits. It’s kind of like the diet analogy for me. I know someone who used a reputable diet program to lose weight. While she was on the plan, she did great; she ate their food and a person monitored her progress. She immediately gained weight when she was done because she hadn’t actually shifted her habits and no one monitored her anymore. I worry about what happens when the controls are lifted.
A Family Media Plan
When the American Academy of Pediatrics created an updated policy on use of media for children and teens, they also introduced a Family Media plan designed to engage in conversations around a healthy balance of media without forgoing the opportunities digital tools afford us. It is customizable, can be co-created, printed and referred to often. It reinforced for me, some of the family rules we already had in place. For example, we put our phone away for meal times and phones stay off and downstairs at bed time. There are of course exceptions; we might get into a heated discussion about something and will need to look it up, but one of the values we have talked about as a family is the importance of a good night’s sleep and the ability to converse face to face with people and give them your full attention.
Playing it safe
At school, there is a whole IT department who handles the filtering of inappropriate information, whereas at home, that responsibility comes to parents. This image was shared on Instagram some of the suggestions (iOs device) may be helpful.
Here is a link to parental controls on Youtube and here’s a link to Google Safe Search. However, we need to remember that a set it and forget it approach does not work; I learned that my daughters figured out how to get out of the safeguards we put on our computer in less than a week!
I think we need to remember the words of Larry Magid who said, “the best internet filter is the one that runs between the child’s ears.” This is why mentoring over monitoring is going to give us the best opportunity to raise kids who lead in digital spaces.