In danah boyd’s post, Panicked about Kids’ Addiction to Tech, she suggests that parents verbalize what they’re doing with your phone. She says,
Whenever you pick up your phone (or other technologies) in front of your kids, say what you’re doing. And involve them in the process if they’d like.
“Mama’s trying to figure out how long it will take to get to Bobby’s house. Want to look at the map with me?”
“Daddy’s checking out the weather. Do you want to see what it says?”
“Mom wants to take a picture of you. Is that OK?”
“Papa needs a break and wants to read the headlines of the New York Times. Do you want me to read them to you?”
“Mommy got a text message from Mama and needs to respond. Should I tell her something from you too?”
The funny thing about verbalizing what you’re doing is that you’ll check yourself about your decisions to grab that phone. Somehow, it’s a lot less comfy saying: “Mom’s going to check work email because she can’t stop looking in case something important happens.” Once you begin saying out loud every time you look at technology, you also realize how much you’re looking at technology. And what you’re normalizing for your kids. It’s like looking at a mirror and realizing what they’re learning.
What she is doing here, is basically what educators call, a Think Aloud. I have used this strategy in particular with students when I am teaching them how to make inferences with reading: it’s an awesome literacy strategy! I also suggest this as a strategy for teachers and class accounts in Social LEADia.
The power in the strategy
- Albert Bandura speaks of Observational Learning: that is that kids learn what they see and what they have modeled for them.
- Role modeling has always been a strategy for parenting
- It allows your child to have insight as to what you are thinking without you nagging at them (especially relevant for pre-teens and teens who will almost always do the opposite of what you tell them)
- It invites conversation rather than answering a question.
Here are a few examples I practice with my own kids:
- I haven’t reached out to Grandma in a while, I am going to send her an I Love You Facebook message.
- This image ____ posted feels like she might be sad or seeking attention. I am going to send her a DM to say hi and see if she wants to talk.
- I am going to put my phone away so I can give you my full attention
- This friend request doesn’t seem very legit. I am going to ignore that one.
- I am feeling so grateful today. I think I will post something something inspirational and hopefully someone else will be uplifted by what I post.
- ____ is always posting negative things online. I still really value their friendship, but I am feeling stressed about what they are posting. I think I will Mute them for a while so I am still following them, but don’t necessarily see what they are posting. I’ll talk to them about it when I see them in person, but for now this might help.
Although it feels unnatural at first, the more you do it, the better you will feel about it.
